Get over it and move on

I turned 69 recently. What have I learned most over the years?

Get over it and move on, as it says in the headline. I have made many mistakes in my life. I moved on. You have two choices in life. Either learn from life or be buried by it. I find it sad when I meet someone who is obviously talented, but something in their life has defined them in a negative way.

Don’t mistake my comments to say there aren’t terrible things that define some for the rest of their lives. I just watched a series of videos by Monica Crowley, a commentator on FOX News. She talked about Richard Nixon, who she worked for as a writer. He was defined by Watergate and that was a biggie. However, she speaks about the private person who she knew. He was brilliant in many ways, but that one event defined him.

For most of us, however, learning from mistakes is part of life. For the most part, I’m retired now, but I still have the same brain I used when working and I ask myself how I can contribute. I have come to believe I simply need to be available to those who want advice from someone of experience and try to help them learn some of the lessons of life.

The title of this blog says, “Morgans on Giving”. Try to find your way to give and let THAT define you.

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Which wolf do you feed?

Do you feed the good or evil wolf inside of you?

There are many ways to approach life and what you give to others. There is a constant battle inside all of us between good and evil. Which do we choose and why? My answer, for me, is to fill my mind with positive things. That can be a challenge in today’s social media world. There is a lot of junk out there.

One way I have begun to help myself dwell on positives is to not have contact with people who want to give out evil and tear down instead of spreading good and build up. That is at the heart of this blog. Focus on others’ needs and give in ways you can. It might be a simple nice word to someone or coming along side of another. You never know how much influence, good or bad, you have on others. Had an acquaintance comment to me recently wolfhow much they appreciated the positive things I post. This is a person who has lost a loved one. Those who lose loved ones too early are first comforted by those who come to the funeral and maybe keep in touch for a short time, bringing food over and such. I have found the real work begins after that. If you think of someone who has suffered loss, even if some time ago, say something nice to them, take them to coffee, to lunch or just spend time listening.

Give to others and you will be enriched in the process.

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Excessive giving

Can you network anywhere in the world? Can you give and receive referral through networking wherever you happen to be at the moment?

The resounding answer to both question is “yes you can.” There is the mindset I speak about constantly called giving first that will help you here. If you have a genuine interest in other people and that shows in your conversations, you will be amazed what happens. Excessive givingMany times I have ended up with a referral or given one by simply engaging anyone in conversation and by showing a genuine interest in them. The attached video calls this excessive giving.

Here’s the idea: do you want referrals for your business? Does it thrill you when someone refers someone else to you? Let me give you an example. Recently I had need of a physical therapist. I asked my primary care nurse practitioner where he would suggest I go for help. He gave me the names of a couple places. I chose the one that fit my travel pattern. I engaged the therapist in conversation to find out something about him. Found out we went to the same college. Made the connection and the conversation was pleasant. Less than an hour after leaving him, I was in a meeting and telling the people there how much the therapist had helped me. All three people I was meeting with had some similar issues to mine and were still in pain. I told them about the place I had just come from and how to make an appointment. They said they would.

Point of all that, is those three people will want to refer other business to me because I helped them. One of them even offered me a job that will be helping others learn the same way of doing business.

Help others anywhere you are and see what happens for you. Watch the video with Dr. Ivan Misner, founder of Business Network International (BNI) and Frederick Marcoux, National Director of BNI in Australia, for an example of how this worked for them.

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Be present

Have you ever been at a meeting with someone and suddenly realize you don’t remember a thing the other person said for the last five minutes or so? Maybe while reading the previous sentence even? OK, so I don’t want you to miss the point and hope that brought you into what I’m about to tell you.

Be present. OK, this post has made the point. Maybe I should tell you a little more. We have all had our moments of do what I call zoning out. You didn’t get enough sleep the Founder_August2014_Ivan-Misnernight before, you are worrying about something, you are anticipating where you are going next. A friend is in distress and therefore you are thinking about them. What does it all mean?

It means you are not present. Now think about that statement from the perspective of the
person you are talking to. You have decided they are not as important as something else in your life. How would you feel if they treated you that way?

To have others be involved in what you want, first you have to be interested in what is
going on with them, their thoughts, their interests. Want to be heard and cared about? Care about others first. That’s the point. Click here to read an article by Dr. Ivan Misner, found of Business Network International, on how he sees this topic.

So next time you have a conversation, are in a meeting, spend time really listening and be present. Then others will begin to be present with you.

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Not sure what to say

I copied the link to a story about a woman in need of an operation on July 20, 2014. I wasn’t sure what I would say about her, so I waited two weeks to figure out what to say. Do you sometimes not know what to say or do about a circumstance you encounter?

My dilemma was and is that there are so many needs today, how do you decide which ones to embrace? Should guilt prompt you to decide? Does it have to be something that pulls at your heartstrings? Does someone else have to ask you to help? My answer for me is that I respond when I feel prompted to do so. Not out of guilt, Shirleybut out of putting myself in the other person’s shoes, so to speak.

In this case it was rather easy since Stephanie Headley is facing a life-threatening autoimmune disease. Her life is threatened. How about a different circumstance where life is not threatened? It can be triggered because you have a connection with someone, if they are related to you or someone you care about, for example. I cannot make a decision for you. You cannot make a decision for me. My only suggestion is simply to help someone, sometime. You will be a better person for having done so. Oh, and you will feel so much better about yourself.

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Are you happy?

What does it take to make you happy? Friends? Family? Acquaintances? Money? Vacation? Retirement?

I would raise my hand to all of the above. However, they do not put me in a state of happiness because all of those can go away. Might I suggest those are all external paths that can be fleeting. Happy secretWhat impact does your externals world have on your happiness?

That last question leads to some other ideas. If happiness is on the opposite side of success we will never get there because we keep moving the target, according to TED speaker Shawn Achor. He also contends that when we teach to the average student we are lowering the average. His goal is to move the average up, to change the lens.

If we talk about the positives in life, if we dwell on them, things begin to change. Watch the TED video with Shawn Achor and ask yourself if you are ready to change, ready to be happy.

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What would you give away?

Have you ever thought about what giving is really about? What would you be willing to give to someone who is a stranger without expecting anything in return? What does that say about you?

I write here about giving first as a theme. That means many different things to different people. This video probably defines it better than I can ever say in words.

Giving to someone else without expecting anything in return is about helping someone have a better life in a small or big way. Sometimes I think the small giving is more important. When there is a huge gift others will often know about it or you will receive lots of accolades for doing the giving.

Giving video

Giving something small will probably not garner you pats on the back or certainly not give you lots of publicity. Why do it then? Because YOU will be a better person for having done it, not the mention the other person who receives the gift.

Try it out. Don’t tell anyone. See if you change. Try it again…and again…and again and see if you don’t become a more giving person.

Giving it away

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